Do you know what was done to my body in Between? [Monty snaps back, anger and resentment suddenly burning bright and hot.] I have been changed and abused in far worse ways than Mr. Solomons spending a few days with four legs. My mind warped, my body twisted to suit someone else's carnal pleasures.
I do not speak of my time there. Neither does Renart or Undertaker. We do not wear those horrors as some badge of honor as the people where you come from seem to!
[ Oh, wow. Royce actually leans back a bit, looking a little... surprised, maybe. Hurt, definitely. ]
And you think that's okay to rub salt in the wounds, like that. All because Alfie was overprotective of the girl he considers his daughter? To be as bad as the people who did those things to all of us, because he said something you didn't like?
And you think it fair to compare what amounts to a practical joke to what was done to us? I will apologize for taking it too far, perhaps, but I will not accept that comparison. My only goal was to instill some semblance of empathy in your friend.
[ Royce slams him back into the wall again, fury rising. ]
It doesn't matter the scale! Do you understand what you did, Navarro? Do you understand that you've broken my trust? Do you understand what it means to have my trust?
[He keeps messing this up. Renart, at least, he could understand. Monty had killed Bucky, after all. This? This, it makes no sense. The changes wrought on him and the others in Between had been horrifying, but after a time, they'd become a matter of course. The existential dread of not really existing had rather tempered their reactions to it all.]
I care that that man cast Renart out and degraded her simply because of what she is, Royce. I thought you of all people could understand that! Perhaps you are not the man I thought you were!
I do care about that! I was the one who told Alfie that he cannot kick people out of our house. I was the one who explained to him what she is and what she meant - I defended her to him.
You didn't consider how this would affect me, however, so perhaps I'm not surprised you didn't bother to ask my opinion.
[That pulls him up a little short in his own anger.]
And what would you have said if I came to you and said I wished to find a way to make Mr. Solomons understand? Truly understand? I went and spoke to him after. All he had to say was that she was a dangerous creature that he didn't trust. What did your words do?
Honestly, Navarro? I would've preferred you killed him over changing him into something else. At least that would've been forgivable.
[ For Royce, anyway. ]
Alfie is a stubborn man, and he's entitled to his opinion. It might be a stupid opinion, but if he doesn't trust her, I can't force him to. I did what I could. This did nothing but prove to him that she's someone who can't be trusted.
[The look Monty gives Royce is something of a mix between absolute pique and confusion. Murder. That's the man's solution? His hands ball into fists, every muscle in his body tenses, ready to scream for the pure frustration of this all. He closes his eyes and lets it pass. Lets his body slump in Royce's grip. So be it. So be it. He's through trying.]
Then he is a fool and deserves what misfortune may befall him. I'm sorry you love him. That I am truly sorry for because I would not wish what he brings on his own head to affect you. But it will. And there will be more of it. Not from me. But from the other people that his stubborn pride cuts to the core.
[ Royce stares up at Monty, and then lets go of his coat in disgust. ]
It isn't even really about Alfie, Navarro. Not really. [ He says, quietly. ] How do I know that you wouldn't do this same thing to me? And if you did - I know that the things that I find horrifying mean nothing to you because you think you have suffered worse than I have. It'd be just another day for you.
[There are options to recover here. He could put on a mask, beg forgiveness, profess understanding and pledge to never again do something like this.
There are options to make it worse. He could tell Royce that most of the people he'd murdered had trusted him, as well. Renart had trusted him. Sibella had trusted him and he'd kept his engagement to Phoebe from her. He is a deceitful man and he made no effort to hide that from Royce.
Monty draws himself up and straightens his clothes. It feels just a little like the night before the gallows again. The jury deciding whether he might live or die. There are no more pages left to write in this chapter.]
I have not suffered worse. I have simply suffered the same. And scale may not matter to you, but when there are only gradations of change and horror, one grows inured to it. It did not occur to me that you would consider something like this unforgivable. I will not beg for a thing you are unwilling to give, sir. If you have simply come to tell me that we are at an end, then so be it. Your mission is fulfilled. I will not trouble you, Mr. Solomons, or Ms. Emily in the future.
[ His expression drops, just slightly. He was hoping - well, it doesn't matter what he was hoping. Monty doesn't try, and Royce doesn't make a fool of himself trying to give Monty another chance. There are so many things he wants to say, but he doesn't. ]
I didn't come here with that intent, no. I came here to try to understand, and - I do, now. [ Deceit is one thing - Royce is no stranger to it. This is something else entirely, to Royce. He doesn't bother saying goodbye, he just turns and walks away, out of Monty's house. ]
[He should let it go, let Royce go. What has trying got him? Likely Renart will be here next to score him with her claws for this on some account. What she once saw as his clever traits... those that might make the Reynard proud, are only flaws. She had once loved him for who he is, not who she might want him to be.
Tears gather in his eyes and he strides to the door. Damn the neighbors. He shouts:]
If you truly wanted to understand, you wouldn't come here and throw me against a wall! If you truly wanted to understand, you would talk to me, not lecture! I did it because I love Renart and every cut against her is one against me. Just as it would have been if someone were to treat you that way! That is how you know I would not do it to you, you absolute fool!
[If Royce doesn't respond, Monty will slam the door. Maybe later, he'll go to Undertaker and take some frustration out there. His desires right now are darker than they would normally be. He wants to be hurt, to suffer something and let the pain drip out of him in some tangible way.]
[ Monty shouts after him, and Royce stops, turning back to face him. That's something. He takes a few steps back towards Monty's house, fists clenched by his sides. ]
Every cut against Alfie is one against me. [ He snaps. ] You acted and you hurt me, you broke something I don't often give, and showed no remorse after I explained to you why it hurt.
You flagrantly violated my closest friend because he was rude to the woman you love. How am I supposed to know that I won't cross some similar line for you someday and you'd decide it was fine to turn me into an animal without asking?
There is no line you could cross that I can fathom that would have me do something like that to you. I'm sorry I hurt you. You were not and never will be a victim I choose of my own volition. But I cannot feel sorry for hurting him. Not in this moment when everything in my gut tells me he should suffer worse than he has. I tried to do something that would not harm him in any permanent way.
"I didn't mean to hurt you. I thought you would prefer I take such an approach. I don't know how to fix what I did wrong with Renart. I don't know how to fix this, either! You tell me it is impossible. I don't know what to do!"
I would prefer you not take revenge on my friends.
[ Royce says, jaw working. ] Is that too much to ask? That you don't hurt the one person I'd die for, here? I don't see how you don't understand that for me, Alfie is like Renart, Navarro. I don't care what you do to other people - but you picked the one person I call home and did the one thing that scares me the most to him, and it broke something between us.
[ He drags in an unsteady breath. ] I don't want it to be broken forever, but I need you to understand that you were never going to be able to just punish Alfie. You punished me, and Emily, too. I thought he went home, Monty. I thought he was gone.
[Anger swirls with frustration and now some measure of guilt. This really hadn't been meant to affect Royce or Emily. Certainly not to the level it seems to have. But they'd found out after so little time! How could it be that bad? Still, he can imagine the heart-stopping moments he's had in Between, losing someone, even when they sometimes reappeared. That had been to nonexistence, though, not to a home where Alfie might like to be.
It seems so unfair to him. Why can't Royce just appreciate what a clever punishment it was and move on when no one was really hurt or lost? Monty knows better than to voice those selfish resentments. He takes a few steadying breaths of his own.]
I did not think it through to that point. I'm sorry. All I thought was that it was a spell that would last three days and be finished. Hopefully with Mr. Solomons the wiser for it. If you would ask me to take no action when he wrongs someone I love, then I must look to you to provide adequate punishment, in that event. Would you be able to provide it? Just as you might ask the same of me for one of my dearest.
[ He just starts with that, hand coming up to rub at his chest, just under his sternum. He tries to think, to figure out what to say to that, because Monty admitted he didn't know it would hurt them and that's... well. That's something. ]
... Yeah. I'll come up with something if he does it again. I think you've done enough this time. [ He swallows hard. ] I can't tell you it's okay, but you. Apologized. [ A beat. ] That's not something most people do for me, so I. I appreciate it.
[ But. ] I doubt I will ever ask you for a punishment if your dearest wrong me, Monty. If I have a problem, I settle it myself, and I look before I leap.
I wouldn't jump to hurting them, Navarro. I'm not a mindless beast, I know how to speak civilly to people. [ Royce says, a little harshly, but. Then he stops, and takes a deep breath. ]
... I think you're right. [ He folds his arms, almost protectively. ] Let's. Cool off. I'll come talk to you again in a few days.
[Monty holds his tongue once more. He has a waspish thought that Royce is an assassin speaking to a murderer. 'Settling' without specification of what that is may be assumed to be something violent. The young gentleman crosses his own arms.]
Very well. I will look for you then... my friend.
[Because that is what Royce is, even strained as this is right now. Perhaps that will not last, but for now, Monty is going to hold to it, even with as abused as he personally feels in this moment.]
[ Royce rubs at the back of his neck. His expression is upset, still, and if Monty looks closely enough he'll see Royce's eyes and cheeks are damp. He hates to leave things like this because he's so fucking aware of how little time any of them have. It could end, one of them could go home or stop existing or - anything. Something.
For now, Royce looks up at Monty with that softer, almost vulnerable look, and then he nods and pulls his hood up. ]
Yeah. Friend. [ It's genuine. And this time, he really does walk away. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Do you understand exactly what you did, Navarro?
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Gave him some greater reason to consider his prejudice against Renart simply because of her species?
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Do you know what the people who brought us to Norfinbury did, Navarro? Do you? You should. I've told you before.
cw: allusion to body horror, mind-manipulation, dub-con
I do not speak of my time there. Neither does Renart or Undertaker. We do not wear those horrors as some badge of honor as the people where you come from seem to!
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And you think that's okay to rub salt in the wounds, like that. All because Alfie was overprotective of the girl he considers his daughter? To be as bad as the people who did those things to all of us, because he said something you didn't like?
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It doesn't matter the scale! Do you understand what you did, Navarro? Do you understand that you've broken my trust? Do you understand what it means to have my trust?
You don't care. We're not what I thought we were.
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I care that that man cast Renart out and degraded her simply because of what she is, Royce. I thought you of all people could understand that! Perhaps you are not the man I thought you were!
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You didn't consider how this would affect me, however, so perhaps I'm not surprised you didn't bother to ask my opinion.
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And what would you have said if I came to you and said I wished to find a way to make Mr. Solomons understand? Truly understand? I went and spoke to him after. All he had to say was that she was a dangerous creature that he didn't trust. What did your words do?
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[ For Royce, anyway. ]
Alfie is a stubborn man, and he's entitled to his opinion. It might be a stupid opinion, but if he doesn't trust her, I can't force him to. I did what I could. This did nothing but prove to him that she's someone who can't be trusted.
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Then he is a fool and deserves what misfortune may befall him. I'm sorry you love him. That I am truly sorry for because I would not wish what he brings on his own head to affect you. But it will. And there will be more of it. Not from me. But from the other people that his stubborn pride cuts to the core.
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It isn't even really about Alfie, Navarro. Not really. [ He says, quietly. ] How do I know that you wouldn't do this same thing to me? And if you did - I know that the things that I find horrifying mean nothing to you because you think you have suffered worse than I have. It'd be just another day for you.
I trusted you.
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There are options to make it worse. He could tell Royce that most of the people he'd murdered had trusted him, as well. Renart had trusted him. Sibella had trusted him and he'd kept his engagement to Phoebe from her. He is a deceitful man and he made no effort to hide that from Royce.
Monty draws himself up and straightens his clothes. It feels just a little like the night before the gallows again. The jury deciding whether he might live or die. There are no more pages left to write in this chapter.]
I have not suffered worse. I have simply suffered the same. And scale may not matter to you, but when there are only gradations of change and horror, one grows inured to it. It did not occur to me that you would consider something like this unforgivable. I will not beg for a thing you are unwilling to give, sir. If you have simply come to tell me that we are at an end, then so be it. Your mission is fulfilled. I will not trouble you, Mr. Solomons, or Ms. Emily in the future.
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I didn't come here with that intent, no. I came here to try to understand, and - I do, now. [ Deceit is one thing - Royce is no stranger to it. This is something else entirely, to Royce. He doesn't bother saying goodbye, he just turns and walks away, out of Monty's house. ]
cw: allusion to masochism
Tears gather in his eyes and he strides to the door. Damn the neighbors. He shouts:]
If you truly wanted to understand, you wouldn't come here and throw me against a wall! If you truly wanted to understand, you would talk to me, not lecture! I did it because I love Renart and every cut against her is one against me. Just as it would have been if someone were to treat you that way! That is how you know I would not do it to you, you absolute fool!
[If Royce doesn't respond, Monty will slam the door. Maybe later, he'll go to Undertaker and take some frustration out there. His desires right now are darker than they would normally be. He wants to be hurt, to suffer something and let the pain drip out of him in some tangible way.]
cw: allusions to sketchy consent issues
Every cut against Alfie is one against me. [ He snaps. ] You acted and you hurt me, you broke something I don't often give, and showed no remorse after I explained to you why it hurt.
You flagrantly violated my closest friend because he was rude to the woman you love. How am I supposed to know that I won't cross some similar line for you someday and you'd decide it was fine to turn me into an animal without asking?
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[It's snapped back.]
There is no line you could cross that I can fathom that would have me do something like that to you. I'm sorry I hurt you. You were not and never will be a victim I choose of my own volition. But I cannot feel sorry for hurting him. Not in this moment when everything in my gut tells me he should suffer worse than he has. I tried to do something that would not harm him in any permanent way.
"I didn't mean to hurt you. I thought you would prefer I take such an approach. I don't know how to fix what I did wrong with Renart. I don't know how to fix this, either! You tell me it is impossible. I don't know what to do!"
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[ Royce says, jaw working. ] Is that too much to ask? That you don't hurt the one person I'd die for, here? I don't see how you don't understand that for me, Alfie is like Renart, Navarro. I don't care what you do to other people - but you picked the one person I call home and did the one thing that scares me the most to him, and it broke something between us.
[ He drags in an unsteady breath. ] I don't want it to be broken forever, but I need you to understand that you were never going to be able to just punish Alfie. You punished me, and Emily, too. I thought he went home, Monty. I thought he was gone.
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It seems so unfair to him. Why can't Royce just appreciate what a clever punishment it was and move on when no one was really hurt or lost? Monty knows better than to voice those selfish resentments. He takes a few steadying breaths of his own.]
I did not think it through to that point. I'm sorry. All I thought was that it was a spell that would last three days and be finished. Hopefully with Mr. Solomons the wiser for it. If you would ask me to take no action when he wrongs someone I love, then I must look to you to provide adequate punishment, in that event. Would you be able to provide it? Just as you might ask the same of me for one of my dearest.
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[ He just starts with that, hand coming up to rub at his chest, just under his sternum. He tries to think, to figure out what to say to that, because Monty admitted he didn't know it would hurt them and that's... well. That's something. ]
... Yeah. I'll come up with something if he does it again. I think you've done enough this time. [ He swallows hard. ] I can't tell you it's okay, but you. Apologized. [ A beat. ] That's not something most people do for me, so I. I appreciate it.
[ But. ] I doubt I will ever ask you for a punishment if your dearest wrong me, Monty. If I have a problem, I settle it myself, and I look before I leap.
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Know that if you hurt them, you would be hurting me, then. Our bonds are as much shackles as they are lifelines.
[As he's coming to understand here more and more.]
I did not mean the one between us to grow thorns. Perhaps it would be better to hold a conversation when the wounds are not so fresh.
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... I think you're right. [ He folds his arms, almost protectively. ] Let's. Cool off. I'll come talk to you again in a few days.
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Very well. I will look for you then... my friend.
[Because that is what Royce is, even strained as this is right now. Perhaps that will not last, but for now, Monty is going to hold to it, even with as abused as he personally feels in this moment.]
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For now, Royce looks up at Monty with that softer, almost vulnerable look, and then he nods and pulls his hood up. ]
Yeah. Friend. [ It's genuine. And this time, he really does walk away. ]